Re-Tuning

I do believe that the clutter of everyday work, to-do lists and schedules gets in the way of our spirituality (and at the same time provides access to it). I have always felt that it is easier to be a monk in a monastery than a monk in the middle of a bustling city with a busy schedule and a demanding job. But that what the world needs and what is perhaps most honorable is the latter.

Nevertheless, as I wind down at work, I notice my listening is re-tuning. For the last several years, I have spent great effort tuning myself to accomplishment. I listen for what needs to be done to move a project forward and focus on doing it, or at the very least, making sure somebody does it. And I have taken great pride in that.

What I am noticing now is that I am re-tuning my listening a bit. Tuning it to listen for adventure, guides, spirits. And it has produced a subtle but fundamental shift in my life over the last few weeks. I am noticing little things. I am bumping into people I haven't seen since college and having great conversations with them. I was walking down St. Charles Avenue today and there was an old lady with a bag in her hand slowly walking into her apartment building. I noticed that the door wasn't automatic and stopped and opened it for her. It was natural and obvious. Was this the first time I walked by that old lady or seen that old friend or had I just never noticed them? Perhaps, they were always there but my attention was focused on something else. It seems like the magic and unpredictability of the world returns as I retune. And so, life is not the mundane and predictable to survive with as much efficiency and effectiveness as possible. It is a meandering and wandering journey of wonder to be discovered.

I think for me, college was a time when I was an adventurer, journeying through life. I hadn't yet put down roots, found my life partner or fully formed my work or career identity. I was on a journey of discovery. And my attention was on what messages and answers the world might provide, what directions it might point me in. But for the last several years, I had found some of the answers to some of those questions about what I want to do with my life, who I want to be with, where I want to live, how I want to make a living, etc. I had stopped looking for directions and, therefore, stopped noticing them. And, while secure and safe, life dulled a bit.

As I prepare to pack my backpack again and wander on, I welcome the return to the journey. It is freeing to reject the previous answers again and put the questions back out for new answers. I look forward to seeing what I find (which may in fact be the same answers I just let go!)